Twenty Minutes
by EmilyMayVTheCrazyDinosaurGirl
Summary: Everything that Shane went through in the episode Luminous, and how she is struggling.
1. Asking

Shane had always had a problem, with authority, with drugs, with drink, smoking, family. She hid it well. She lived well, and she had amazing friends, but she still found it hard to trust.

She herself, were trust worthy, but she couldn't trust many people herself. People wanted to get close to her, so they could bed her. Steal from her. Get high with her. Shane had slowed down a lot lately, no longer was she in a new bed every night, or high every morning. She was beginning to respect herself, her body, her life. She was in a good place, and she was no longer lonely.

Her job was hard, and it was getting harder, she tried to not need anything, from anybody, just a steady job, and a roof over her head, though sometimes not even the things she was..forced..to do were worth those comforts.

She loved the perks her job offered her..the Oxy, the drugs..the partys. She didn't like the attention, the endless one night stands, but she did like that people liked her, wanted her, and after a childhood being passed around..this felt good. It was different. These were her terms. Her rules. After storming out from work earlier that day, Shane had popped a couple of pills..And after seeing Carmen and Jenny together.. She had left and taken a couple more. Shane loved coffee, and beer. And the size she was, she didn't eat much. Stressed from the spa, her client, her boss, and upset after seeing her, friend, her old lover..her crush.. she began to become once again..reckless..

Her body, is growing old, and abused, and after Oxy, and coke, is struggling. Still, Shane goes on, unawares, and watches the two girls in her bed, disgusted by what she has become, but seemingly unable to..unwilling to, change that. This is..familar, the new skin, new girls, the recklessness, and being familar, it has become safe, and being safe meant she can't get hurt. Oh how wrong she is.

Growing tired of the girls, Shane decided to throw them out, too wasted to even make it back to her bed, to even turn the music off, she stumbled to the sofa, falling asleep, fully clothed. Her mind spinning out of controll, her body tingling from the medicated abuse, shaking from the lack of food, her heart beating hard against her chest, to the heavy beat of music that poured in to the room, Shane fall into an uneasy, unpeaceful sleep, and awoke with Jenny shouting at her..awoke to see Carmen's body, standing over her. Hearing her words, seeing her tears, Shane couldn't find her voice, the words, the actions to answer, and burying her face deeper in to the sofa, Shane began to cry.

Hearing the door close, she slowly moved from the sofa, headed to the kitchen, grabbed the orange bottle, and left, walking, aimlessly in whicheve direction her feet would take her. Not knowing where she was going, if she was going to come back. Shane stopped, unable to carry on, an aching pain in her chest, bile rising from her stomach, her vision blurred, and her head was spinning.

Shane Panicked.

Picking up the phone, and dialing the only number her mind could remember, process, she asked for help, she was lost, alone, scared. And wanting more. Twenty minutes, twenty minutes, the voice had said. Stumbling to lean against the wall, Shane noticed a man she knew, from when she turned tricks, trying her luck, she begged for some more drugs, the bottle that was full the morning before, was now empty the next afternoon. Shane had never taken so much, in such a short space of time, and now, she needed more, like the Coffee she drank religpusly, she needed more, more of anything. Shane was turned down, ignored. Shane throw a punch, and the guy, punched back. Fighting, and struggling, Shanes exhausted body, now ran on the adreneline fighting caused, and she didn't back down. When Mark came, to find her, help her, Shane began to fight the men harder, and after being pulled apart, helped, her arm over Mark, blood streaming down her face, Shane began to cry.

'I Need help' She whispered, before collapsing in his arms.


	2. Running

Shanes weight pulled on Mark, her slumped still body foreign, cold, to him. Blood and cuts covered her, and her breathing was shallow, stressed. Coming round a few moments later, leant against his body, in the middle of the street, Shane looked around herself, her eyes tired, blurred, her body heavy. Cold. Not saying anything, she got up, Mark helping her, and she stumbled away from him. She recalled the fight that had happened just minutes ago, the coldness of her body compared to the burning and hurting, of her heart, her chest. The words that had fallen from her mouth, and that is what panicked her. The day, the spa, walking away from her job, had been because she didn't want, need, help, or anything, from anyone, and now, she was here, vulnerable, begging for help, comfort, and this scared Shane. She wiped the blood from her lips, she walked away from Mark, wordless, ignoring him when he called after her, recoiling from his touch when he gave her an arm to lean on. Wordlessly, she reached home, Mark behind her. He tried to talk, to comfort, to ask what was wrong, what had happened, if he could help, but she only ignored him. She didn't say thank you when the shower was ran, or thank you when her clothes were removed, or when her cuts were washed, dressed, Shane didn't say thank you when Mark put her to bed. Thoughts of her childhood invaded her mind, and tears fall from her eyes, and the only thing that was offering Shane glimmers of hope, were Carmen.

Carmen who misunderstood her, didn't trust her. Carmen who was sleeping with Jenny.

When Mark left her, confused to why Shane was acting like she was, on the verge of ringing the Dr. should she not return to her normal, or what was considered normal for Shane, in a few hours time. She began to write.

Her words were lies, written to comfort, confront, understand. Rules to make her better, reasons why people left. Reasons she couldn't understand, and promises she couldn't keep.

Mark watched her, cameras fliting, following her moves.

Eventually, exhausted by her emotions, her body, her spirit, Shane slept. Her dreams invaded. Shane slept for longer then she ever had. Two days passed her by, in a state of tears, panic, lists. words. waking for only minutes at a time. Forgetful. Angry.

Mark, watching her, following her, lied for her. Abused her. He did not feed her, cloth her, he just left her, cameras rolling, spying on the fragile moment. Watching the moment when Shane regained her compusre, dressed, and left her room. Pretending, to care, he spoke to her. Knowing her words were lies, and knowing where she was going. What she had done. 


End file.
